31 October 2013
Can’t remember when the last time i actually posted words onto my tumblr was. It barely exists. Apart from a few hashtags and a few glimpses of moments of my fleeting life.
My life seems to be a routine of breathing in the day a second a time and closing my eyes in the night.
Arriving back to Norwich has been a challenge. Life has been pretty hard,But manageable. So far every hard day has come and gone, and every hard week has come and gone.
I won’t lie. I don’t talk about the hardshit i go through to people, or to myself anymore. In hopes that it might go away. And it worked wonders, until something bigger comes along. I need to sieve out the important things in my life.
A boy who lives right next door to my flat does medicine, and i find him attractive in so many ways. Not physically, but he has his life planned out infront of him, he is focused, he is never ashamed, and he has so much going on. He is busy . Busy with the important things in life. I barely see him, but when i do, i just look at him and wish, just wish for a few moments that i had his priorities in life, and that i would make the best out of everyday like he does. Uninvolved, unattached, focused. Nailed the emotionless bitch part since i was 19, but i need to get myself ahead in the game more.
So, what i’ve learnt so far, and what i would like to always and again remind myself is that,
People will be people and they will always have their little ticks, nothing is personal, and that i would rather to hated for who i am than what i am not,i will be honest about it. And lastly, i have a choice to make, of my life and who i should let in and who is good enough to stay. I set my standards for different aspects of my life, and i don’t need to compromise or feel guilty about being honest.
I may be alot of things, but dishonest. I am not. Not to anyone, and definitely,never to myself.